For Sale

Classic Mini Cooper

For sale due to unforeseen circumstances. One owner. Low, original mileage. Original paintwork, spotlights which were purchased at high expense and never fitted, and all the other modifications you would expect from any self-respecting boy racer d***head.

After finding photos of my husband with his sister’s best friend (who is not me) in a compromising (yes, naked) position (no, they are not nudists), I have decided to sell the vehicle he put in my name for tax purposes. I am unable to guarantee there are no unsavoury stains on the original patinated leather interior as it appears all those classic car meets were actually spent parked in a lay-by near Dog-walk Wood.

This car was my husband’s first car and he inherited it from his father (who was also a cheating b*****d – insert apple doesn’t fall far from tree quip here). I no longer want it in the family, any more than I want my husband. The first to arrive with a trailer can take the car free of charge (I threw the only set of keys out of the window of my Audi whilst on the M1 – a gut reaction to his confession). If you can also take my husband (or dispose of him, your choice), I’ll pay you.

Call 0800 111 222 to arrange immediate collection (before I torch it).